The Cycle of Abuse

By: ​Lauryn Forster 

What is the Cycle of Abuse?
The Cycle of Abuse is the idea that domestic violence is a recurring pattern of abuse and further demonstrates the difficulty survivors face in leaving these controlling relationships. Beyond the external cycle of abuse and violence, survivors often develop their own internal coping mechanisms or "scripts" to distract from the reality of the abuse. These scripts can unfortunately prolong their stay in abusive relationships. The Cycle of Abuse is divided into four stages and can repeat numerous times. Survivors may experience the entire cycle over a short period or over several years. Additionally, children raised in these environments may come to perceive this cycle as “normal.”

The Four Stages of Abuse

1. The first stage of the Cycle of Abuse is Tension. This is where fear is created in the survivor through tension building, increased stress, and is often used as an excuse to use violence again others.
2. The second stage of the Cycle of Abuse is an Incident. This is anytime the abuser uses physical, mental, emotional, financial, sexual, verbal, etc. forms of abuse. Furthermore, while the Cycle of Abuse is used to gain power over the survivor, this stage is the most dangerous form of control and domination.
3. The third stage of the Cycle of Abuse is Reconciliation. This is where the abuser aims to excuse the abusive behavior, through justifying their actions, blaming the survivor, or downplaying the severity of the abuse.
4. The fourth and final stage of the Cycle of Abuse is Calm. This is after the incident stage has been forgiven, and survivors often refer to it as the “honeymoon stage.” Abusers use tactics such as love-bombing and being overly affectionate to lull the survivor into a false sense of safety and security, before the cycle starts again.

What services does BOHCC offer?
It can be incredibly challenging for survivors to recognize the cycle of abuse while they are in the midst of it. Often, they may believe that the abuser's behavior during the "calm" stage reflects their true self, and that actions during the "tension" and "incident" stages are due to external factors. At Beacon of Hope Crisis Center, we are here to help. While abuse doesn't always follow a predictable pattern, recognizing its signs and reacting swiftly is crucial. Our dedicated specialists provide emotional support, education, and connections to vital community resources. Our team works diligently to help survivors secure safe housing and employment, and we also assist with protective orders, medical care, court accompaniment, counseling, and more, all to help break free from the cycle of violence and abuse.

REMEMBER
The cycle never ends, but you can stand up to abuse and break free from the grip of violence. To receive help from our specialists, contact the confidential BOHCC Crisis Line at (317)731-6140.