The Cycle of Violence


The cycle of violence starts with tension building (walking on eggshells, verbal abuse, minor physical abuse, the abuser becomes edgy, irritable, critical) followed by a violent outburst and often violence, which leads to the abuser asking for forgiveness, going out of their way to be kind and loving, or at the very least,  non-violent.

The cycle can move slowly or become rapid. When there is an escalation in severity or frequency, it could be a sign of increased lethality risk.
Are you a victim of domestic violence? Contact Us today to get help.
If you are in a life threatening situation, call 9-1-1 immediately.

Victim Blaming

Victim blaming is when the victim is held entirely or partially at fault for the crimes perpetrated against them. This may involve questioning their actions or response. Victim blaming is not helpful and can be damaging. It can also make victims fearful to speak out. Victim Advocates are available to offer support, resources, and education. Many victims of domestic violence and/or sexual assault will blame themselves for the trauma they have endured.

Domestic violence and/or sexual assault is never the victim’s fault.
Victim’s may experience compounding guilt and self-blame as they heal. Healing is not linear.

Strangulation

Strangulation has only recently been identified as one of  the most lethal forms of domestic violence: unconsciousness may occur within seconds and death within minutes. Most strangulation incidents leave no marks or bruising on the victim. Visible injuries are not always able to indicate the severity of the incident.

Research has shown that 1 out of 10 women have been strangled by an intimate partner, which can cause a multitude of neurological problems, including hypoxic-anoxic brain injury, with long-term implications.

Many people downplay the severity of strangulation, but we are here to let you know that it is serious, and you should seek help and medical care. Victim Advocates offer referrals to insurance, emergency medical care, forensic exams, primary care, and specialized medical care.

Domestic Violence and Children

Domestic violence can have significant effects on children.  They are often silent witnesses to trauma.
  • 5 million children witness domestic violence each year in the US.
  • Children in homes with domestic violence are physically abused/neglected at a rate of 1500% higher than the national average.
  • Living with domestic violence can significantly alter a child’s DNA aging them prematurely 7-10 years.
  • One-third of the children who witness the battering of their mothers demonstrate significant behavior and/or emotional problems, including psychosomatic disorders, stuttering, anxiety and fear, sleep disruption, excessive crying and anger, and school problems.
  • Children of domestic violence are 3 times more likely to repeat the cycle in adulthood.

Types of Abuse

  • Physical abuse – Slapping, hitting, kicking, burning, punching, strangling, beating, throwing things, locking out, or restraining;
  • Emotional abuse - Name calling, shaming, ridiculing, insulting, demeaning, threatening, withholding, manipulating, insulting;
  • Psychological abuse - Humiliating the victim, convincing victim he/she are crazy, withholding information from the victim, demeaning the victim, isolating the victim;
  • Spiritual abuse - Prohibiting the victim from practicing their own beliefs, forcing them into practicing  their belief, using victims' religious or spiritual beliefs to manipulate or shame them, etc.
  • Financial abuse – Controlling the money, forcing someone to quit their job, causing them to lose their job, making them ask for an allowance, stealing money, making new accounts or large purchases in the victim's name;
  • Sexual abuse – Forcing someone to engage in sexual acts when they do not want to, forcing someone to engage in sexual acts they find unpleasant or frightening, forcing reproductive decisions, rape. May be verbal and emotional through statements made to pressure, guilt, and shame, or it may appear more subtly;
  • Digital abuse - Involves the use of technology and the Internet to bully, harass, stalk, intimidate, or control a partner. This behavior is often a form of verbal or emotional abuse conducted online. This can include hacking (accounts, emails, smart home devices, etc.), location tracking, sending threatening messages;
  • Stalking - Watching, following, or harassing the victim repeatedly, making them feel afraid or unsafe.
  • Gaslighting - Is when an abuser manipulates the victim by psychological means into questioning their own sanity. Abusers may question a victim's perception, deny, blame, and guilt the victim. Gaslighting typically happens very gradually in a relationship.