Domestic Violence and Grief

By: Savannah Tipton

Society has typically associated feelings of grief to the death of a loved on. We can understand that someone may have difficulty processing the death despite the circumstance (illness, accidents, etc.). When we expand the definition of grief to include other things that are lost, society gives less acknowledgement or validation. Survivors of domestic violence may experience grief over lost self-esteem, loss of their home and the life they knew, or even the future they once planned for. They may experience this grief during and after the relationship has ended. There are many reasons survivors do not disclose abuse (humiliation, fear, guilt, shame) and this can further complicate feelings of grief. Survivors need access to support as they start their healing journey. Some may find support from friends and family while others turn to professionals.

To better understand the connection between grief and domestic violence, we must first look to all that a survivor of domestic violence may lose or leave behind after being victimized (see below). Together we can become more educated and give survivors validation to grieve or mourn all that they have lost. Advocates are available to validate feelings of grief and connect clients to supportive services and free counseling. Confidential Crisis Line: (317) 731-6140
 
Losses Which Are Grieved

• Independence
• Security
• Intimate Relationship
• Someone they love
• Support of family and friends
• Social networks
• Hope
• Belief systems/spirituality
• Trust
• The “happy ending”
• The person they wanted to be
• The life their children were supposed to have
• The way it was
• The way you wish it had been
• The person you were before abuse
• The person you wish you had been the first time the abuse happened