Keeping Things Simple

By: Cheyenne Taylor

Often, thoughts about what to do plague survivors before, during, and after violence. Many factors must be considered when escaping domestic violence. Some of these factors include essential documents to gather, items to pack, and what to leave behind. For many survivors, additional concerns, such as where to go or whether their abuser will find them, often prevent them from taking the next step to safely flee. The list of considerations becomes more complex as they must account for children, pets, and other dependents. What medicine or toys should I include? Do I have access to all their documents? Who can take me and my children in? It is particularly dangerous since leaving is the most perilous time for those impacted by domestic violence.

With so many factors to consider and possibilities crowding their minds, along with the impacts of the abuse itself, it is no wonder that survivors endure both mental and physical suffering as a result. Stress harms our health in various ways. Additionally, abuse rewires survivors' thinking patterns, resulting in survivors experiencing mental disorders such as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Given the heightened risk of mental strain and negative effects on health, we encourage survivors to keep things simple after escaping abuse.

The biggest step was fleeing to safety, and you have accomplished that. On this journey, it is important to celebrate your wins and accomplishments as they come. After finding shelter or moving into a new home, take a deep breath and acknowledge that you can now settle into a safe space away from violence. When you get an interview or are hired for a new job, you take crucial steps toward independence and self-sufficiency. When you reach out to speak with a domestic violence specialist or a licensed mental health counselor, you regain control and address the negative impacts of the abuse you experienced.

While the specifics of simplifying your life may vary depending on your individual circumstances and journey, there are some general steps we can keep in mind as you move forward in your healing process

1. Not everything has to be done today. It often feels like we’re constantly pressed for time. However, it’s helpful to remember that some tasks can indeed wait until the next day, week, or even month. Rome wasn't built in a day, and as you work towards creating a personal utopia, it's crucial to give yourself time to process and make decisions.
2. Focus on what you can do and not what you can't. Rather than despairing over things out of your control, pivot your time and energy to the things you can. Getting stuck in cycles of stress and worry can be detrimental, and often, those seemingly insurmountable tasks can be broken down with the right resources and a shift in perspective. Let's try to direct our energy towards actions and areas where we can make a tangible difference.
3. Let others help. It is common for abusers to take advantage of survivors' reliance on them for support. So, naturally, it can feel scary or risky to rely on anyone after breaking free, but professionals can connect you with resources seamlessly, which will lighten your load. For example, the team at Beacon of Hope Crisis Center focuses on assisting those impacted by domestic violence in finding resources that can truly make a positive impact on their lives and well-being. These valuable resources are available to you, free of charge.

 
It's important to remember that no one deserves to experience domestic violence, and entering an abusive relationship is never a choice someone makes. Regardless of the circumstances you may be facing, you have the power to shape your future. Our dedicated team members are here to support you. We can help connect you with vital resources in the community, including housing and employment assistance. If you would like to speak confidentially with someone, please call our crisis line at 317-731-6140.

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