Self-Compassion for Survivors

By: Savannah Tipton

Self-compassion may sound like it should be intuitive or even easy to practice. Unfortunately, it can be the opposite. We get busy, overwhelmed, and generally do not take time to check-in with ourselves. What is self-compassion? Self-compassion is the practice of taking a moment to think of our life from a different perspective. To focus on positive inner thoughts and recognize our strengths. It “entails being
warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism (1).” This practice can be beneficial to anyone but even more important for survivors of trauma.

A survivor of domestic violence or sexual assault may develop negative thoughts about themselves. These negative thoughts can include feeling worthless, shameful, embarrassed, or perhaps believing they could have stopped or prevented the assault(s). In some cases, victims also suffer from verbal and emotional abuse that breaks down their self-confidence. A traumatic event of any kind can turn someone’s life upside down. In the aftermath, we have to build ourselves back up.

A survivor should practice compassionate self-talk, such as learning to say goodbye to, “I’m not enough,” and “I deserve this.” You do not deserve abuse of any kind. No one deserves to experience domestic violence or sexual assault and you are more than enough. Start challenging these thoughts and replacing them with positive ones. Are these thoughts true or are you saying it because that is a default? Ask yourself what you would say to a friend or family member if you were to see them suffer and offer yourself the same compassion. Self-compassion takes time and practice. It does not happen overnight. Healing takes time, but it will come.

When we blame ourselves, we assume we have control over what happens to us. When in reality, we cannot control other’s thoughts or actions. What we do control is how we live our lives, what we do when faced with trauma, and where we want to go. Coping with trauma can be difficult to handle on your own; do not hesitate to seek professional help. To speak with an advocate and learn more about services at Beacon of Hope Crisis Center please call our crisis line (317) 731-6140.

(1) Kristin Neff, Ph.D. <https://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/>