Warning Signs of Domestic Violence

By: Jenna Krathwohl

Domestic violence is extremely common even though it is still seen as a private matter. Domestic violence is more common than diabetes. In fact, it is estimated that 42.5% of Indiana women and 27.9% of Indiana men experience intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner sexual violence, and/or intimate partner stalking in their lifetimes (1). Despite its prevalence, it can be difficult to know how to recognize abuse and what to do if it happens. There is no typical personality of an abuser. In fact, abusers can come in all genders, sexualities, nationalities, abilities, and ages. Anyone can be an abuser, just as anyone can be a victim. However, there are some common traits listed below that domestic abusers may have in common (2).

• The abuser frequently denies the existence or minimizes the seriousness of violence and its effect on the victim and others.
  • The abuser will blame the victim for their own actions or behaviors and make the victim feel as if the violence is not real.
• The abuser objectifies the victim and often sees them as their property or sexual objects.
• An abuser has low self-esteem and feels powerless and ineffective. They may feel like this even if they appear successful to others.
• The abuser blames their violence on external stressors, such as stress, their partner’s behavior, mood, alcohol, drugs, children, etc.
  • Abusers will also blame pets within the home for their own actions or behaviors.
• The abuser is kind and loving in between periods of abuse.
  • Abusers are very manipulative and perceive a different persona in public than behind closed doors.

 
There are other warning signs that a person may be an abuser. It is important to understand that that these are potential warning signs and it does not imply someone may be an abuser. These are just some of the traits (2).

• Extreme Jealousy
  • Listening in on calls
  • Following victim
  • Checking victims phone messages, emails, social media accounts
• Possessiveness
• Unpredictability
• Anger issues
• Animal Cruelty
  • Abusers may have a history of animal abuse
  • Threatens to harm an animal
• Verbal abuse
• Extremely controlling behavior
  • Controls all the finances
  • Controls what the victim can and cannot wear
  • Controls who the victim can visit, text, call, etc.
  • Controls if victim can or cannot work
• Antiquated beliefs about the roles of women and men in relationships
• Forced sex of disregard of their partner’s unwillingness to have sex
• Sabotage of birth control methods of refusal to honor agreed upon methods
• Blaming the victim for anything bad that happens
• Sabotage victim’s ability to attend work or school
• Abuse of other family members, children, and/or pets
• Demeaning the victim
• Embarrassment or humiliation of the victim in front of others
• Harassment of the victim at work

 
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence and/or sexual assault, call our confidential hotline at (317) 731-6140. Victim advocates are trained to provide free help, referrals, and resources for those in need. There is hope for survivors. In the case of an emergency, please call 9-1-1.
 
(1) National Center for Injury Prevention and Control (2019). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2010-2012 State Report. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/NISVS-StateReportBook.pdf
(2) National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (N.D.). Signs of Abuse. National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Retrieved from https://ncadv.org/signs-of-abuse